Yes, there are a few things that you know for sure.
Most things. though, you don’t know jack shit about, even if you think you do. It’s all too human to pretend to know something even when you don’t.
What would happen if you decided that you didn’t know, even if you thought you did?
Not only that, but what would happen if you happily announced your lack of knowledge?
Might a wall come down?
Might you learn something new?
Might you become something new?
Fear and anxiety have their place. You should feel them, and it’s neither possible nor healthy to try to turn them off.
But they are not you. They do not make your decisions, decide your performance, or rule your relationships.
They can do those things, of course, if you allow them to. But doing so will rarely, if ever, benefit you.
So feel your fear. Acknowledge your anxiety. Then deal with what’s really going on.
When you’re working on your life, how much time do you spend looking ahead? How much time organizing and planning? How much actually doing the nitty-gritty work?
In his book The E-Myth Revisited, Michael Gerber describes the three “personalities” he believes necessary in every business: the Entrepreneur, the Manager, and the Technician.
Entrepreneur – focused on the future, develops a vision for the company
Manager – the organizer and planner, translates the entrepreneur’s strategic vision into tactical work for the technician
Technician – performs the actual work required to run the company
Gerber then goes on to argue that anyone starting their own business must regularly switch roles in order to keep driving it forward.
This is a also an important framework for working on your life.
Do you spend most days head-down, grinding out the work, rarely planning or even looking up to see where you’re going?
Are you constantly making plans, scheduling, and organizing, but getting very little actual work done?
Do you pass most days with your head in the clouds, dreaming of your future, but with no real path to get there?
Are you some combination of of the above?
If so, get back on track by forcing yourself to spend time doing each on a regular basis.
Take time each month to focus on your vision for yourself: what are your goals? What do you want your future to be?
Time should be devoted each week to translating that vision into scheduled, organized work. You have a vision, now how do you get there? What is the timeline? What are the steps you need to take and the milestones you need to hit?
Finally, there’s the actual work, which should be done just about every day.
Dive into the work, come up frequently to make sure you’re on schedule and doing what you should, and take some time regularly to work on your vision.
Be the Entrepreneur, the Manager, and the Technician.
Got 10 minutes? Good.
Pick one:
A) Of all the things you do every day, what are the 20% that give you the most pleasure?
B) Of all the people with whom you spend time, who are the 20% that are most rewarding to you?
C) Of all the things you do every day, what are the 20% that frustrate or stress you the most?
D) Of all the people with whom you spend time, who are the 20% that drag you down?
Again, pick just one. Then spend some time creating a list of either all the things you do daily or all the people with whom you spend time. Finally, go over your list again and circle your 20%.
If you chose (A) or (B), what can you do to get more of the things or people you circled? If you chose (C) or (D), what can you do to cut down or eliminate those stressors you circled?
The people with whom you surround yourself:
Do they support you?
Do they call you on your bullshit?
Do they challenge you to grow?
Do they make you laugh?
Do you trust them?
Do you learn from them?
Do they inspire you?
Do they make your life better?
If so, great.
If not, why not? Fix it.
Achievement is important. Pushing yourself and others to do more, to be more, is worthwhile.
But don’t forget to take the time to appreciate both yourself and what you’ve accomplished.
Take a breath. Reward yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back and your soul a much-deserved hug. Reflect on what you’ve done and how you got here.
Life is too short to drive all the time. Pull over and enjoy the view.
When was the last time you said to yourself, “This might not work,” then followed it up with “Screw it, I’m gonna try it anyway.”
Usually we think, “This might not work,” and walk away. It’s easy to believe that there’s little value in doing something that’s going to end up a mess.
That’s wrong. Failed reps make you stronger. Puzzles you can’t solve right away can make you smarter.
Find something that you may not be able to do, take a deep breath, mutter “This might not work,” and hit it head-on.
You’ll surprise yourself.
If you’re the type that reads with a highlighter, using it every few minutes to mark something striking or brilliant before plowing on only to forget it later, try this instead:
As you’re reading, if you come across something that seems significant, close the book and put it down. Go for a walk and turn the idea over inside your head. Digest it. Reframe it. Absorb it.
Once you’ve explored it thoroughly, then pick the book back up and continue.
Highlight all you want, but slow down and reflect on those gems before moving on.
Sometimes it seems as if the world is just deliberately trying to piss you off.
Assholes are everywhere. Events conspire to frustrate you. Even inanimate objects like your phone seem to be deliberately driving you crazy.
To not only survive, but thrive at such times, you must first realize that the key word in the above paragraph is seems. People and inanimate objects do in fact exist, and events do occur. But how they affect you has more to do with your opinion of them than how they actually are.
As the Roman Emperor, Stoic philosopher, and owner of a jealousy-inducing head of hair Marcus Aurelius wrote in his Meditations:
“Take away thy opinion, and then there is taken away the complaint, “I have been harmed.” Take away the complaint “I have been harmed,” and the harm is taken away.
If you think something is causing you pain, you’re probably wrong. The way you’re thinking about it is what’s causing pain.
Think back to the last time something pissed you off so badly that you spent the better part of the day being angry. Which was worse? The thing that pissed you off, or spending the day feeling that way?
For the next few days, watch for anything causing you pain or aggravation. When you feel it coming on, stop. Take a step back and try to see things for what they really are.
Is that person really trying to hurt you, or are they just looking out for themselves, oblivious to any effect on you? Is the ding in your car that’s going to cost $500 to fix really worth anguish and soaring blood pressure? Is your 3-year-old really trying to drive you crazy, or is she just learning about cause and effect?
Ask yourself if it’s really worth causing yourself pain because someone was rude to you. Or cut you off on the highway. Or insulted you on social media. Or blew you off for lunch.
See things as they really are, not as how you perceive them.
Public speaking is hard. Yes, it can be terrifying, but it’s also very difficult.
One of the critical (and well-known) keys to being a good public speaker is: know your material.
Know it cold, inside and out, backwards and forwards so that you can recite it while drunk and hung upside down from a crawler crane. You should be so familiar with your material that you own it.
“Well, duh,” you think to yourself. “Obviously if I’m going to tell an audience something I need to know it.”
Right. But it’s not only important to not screw up your story, or presentation, or whatever it is you’re doing. Knowing your material essential to entertaining your audience.
Why?
Telling us something you don’t know well isn’t interesting because we’re watching you remember words. It’s about as gripping as you reading a phone book, but without the phone book right in front of you.
I’d rather watch one wrestler.
When you know your material well, however, you have an opportunity to do something magical. If you know it so well that you don’t have to remember it, we can actually watch you have an experience.
That’s what’s interesting. No matter what the material is, if you experience it vividly, we’ll be enthralled.
You reliving a personal story is interesting. You digging into the yoga position you’re teaching is interesting. You being deeply touched by a historical event is interesting.
You musing over names in the phone book is interesting. No kidding, it really is. Watching a human being go through an experience is fascinating.
Know your material so well that instead of remembering it, you can live it.
And we’ll be eating out of your hand.